Stiffs

Kilvo won the toss and decided that it was such a nice day that two and half hours in the field would be good.

Kilvo opened with himself, but having bowled one over decided it was time for someone younger and fitter to bowl, enter The Duck. The bowling was OK, nothing special, but The Duck did manage 12 overs getting 5 for 27. El Tel bowled equally well, but not having the same kind of strange luck that Watts enjoys only managed 2 for 17 of 12. (The Duck refused to buy his jug after the match having the strange notion that buying one last week should also cover this week.)

After tea we took to the task of batting. Bob Campbell was out after tearing a muscle in the previous week and the skip was slightly concerned about our batting line up. Everything, however, went to plan and my highlight of the afternoon arrived in the form of Bob popping along to see how we were performing on the batting front. Bob arrived at 5.45pm as the fifteenth over was being bowled just in time to see the winning run being struck, well it wasn’t actual struck as Watts gave it as a wide but you see my point.

Steve Pratt opened the batting and carried his bat for 37. Jerry , Ian and Bob made contributions however young Tom collected yet another duck.

The Stiffs would also like to thank Mr and Mrs Chairman for the wonderful evening entertainment that was provided.

The week started promisingly with two first teamers being allowed to play with the stiffs, as ever they hastily organised shopping trips to France or extra days at work. Saturday morning came with ten available players however, Balti De Silva found us an extra body, this weeks body was actually alive.

So off to the idyllic setting of Evenley, you know cricket on the village green, spectators sitting on the field of play etc etc. Arriving early Inzaman Ul Smith and Dick Smith decided to sneak off for a quick pint, once in the pub the landlord ignored them completely so they left with money in hand. Various reasons were put forward for their failure to order two pints, religious grounds for Inzaman, age for Dick or the popular theory that skip had been in and told the landlord not to serve anybody dressed in white.

As a whole we bowled crap and fielded even worse. The worst offender in the bowling department was Balti De Silva ( 0 for 21 of 3 overs). Eric bowled well holding one end up ( 1 for 17 of 12 ). Skip was forced to bring on "I'm not fat, I only weigh 16 ½ stone Watts" who trundles in like a pregnant duck and turns his arm over. Anyway The Duck bowled 4.1 overs and got 5 for 13. According to Eric The Duck skittles out the rabbits, but hey someone has to. Evenley were all out for 137, not too bad considering the size of the ground.

Tea was held in the pub and was notable for the large amount of salt the landlord felt necessary to put on the chips. Some of the boys thought that a refreshing drink might solve this, but due to Inzaman's earlier pathetic performance at the bar this idea was abandoned.

A great batting performance followed with every player contributing runs. Notable performances came from Bob Campbell (32), The Duck (26), Balti De Silva (18) and Jonty Biggs (17).

Bob Campell was given out LBW by Jonty, according to Bob he was not out and the decision had cost us the game. Wrong on both counts Bob.

The innings came to a tense close with Balti De Silva batting with Eric. One batsman was cool, calm and collected the other was red, sweaty and as jumpy as hell. I will leave you to decide which was which. After various attempts to run the cool, calm and collected one out the red, sweaty one faces the opening bowler, the scores are tied, three overs to go. Swish, a swipe across the line, bowled. The game is tied and in walks Terry Moran one run needed and last man in. "Terry, he's are man, if Terry can't do it then no one can" cries the crowd, well Inzaman anyway. Terry strikes the ball and runs one.

Saturday sun at last. Twyford at home, our first return match. After ringing around on Friday to get an eleventh player, or body if necessary, twelve turn up and want a game. Unheard of for the stiffs. A good flat wicket, apparently Keith had been on the roller giving that extra 10% that is missing from his bowling. Kilvo losses the toss, as ever, and the opposition skipper puts us into bat.

There were very few highlights to the batting. Balti scoring a magnificent 13, not a straight bat in sight. Dick Smith was run out for nought and Bob Campbell carried his bat for 75. Bob's innings was slow, patient and well just Campbell like. It must be said that at one point he did hit three fours in a row all to the same spot on the boundary. Mark Newton was offered £20 to run him out by Mr. Chairman but even this failed. Tom was on kitbag (golden)

After a wonderful tea from Mrs. Biggs and friend we took to the field and bowled the opposition out for less than our score thus winning the game. The bowling was dominated by Terry Moran (6 for very few) and Alan Starkie (1 for very few but deserved more wickets). Some how Balti and Mark Newton managed to snatch the last three wickets in 1.4 overs.